Drop in the Bucket

I pride myself in my ability to research: my investigation skills are impressive. Lots of thought and deliberation goes into most decisions I make. Hours and hours and HOURS go into things like which type of stroller to buy, what camera to use, what vehicle our family should drive, and even less significant issues such as  what to serve for Christmas morning breakfast or what our fall family photo wardrobe should entail.

Parenting is no different. I’ve read books, listened to podcasts, gone to workshops and seminars trying to fill myself with as much information as possible. My Pinterest folder labelled “parenting” has approximately 39281 pins on how to be an effective parent. Unfortunately, no matter how much you read you can never actually prepare yourself. You can never really feel like you actually KNOW what the heck you’re doing.

Being a mom is my favourite thing in the world. In the almost seven years that I have been a mommy, I have truly felt beyond blessed. I am fortunate to have such wonderful, beautiful, energetic, healthy children. Those four sweet darlings own my heart, and give me so much joy. I’m a lucky, lucky lady.

HOWEVER, throughout the years I have found myself from time to time seriously doubting that I will successfully guide these tiny humans into adulthood. I joked around today that while I originally had the goal to raise kind, empathetic, honest, decent, contributors to society; my new goal is to just keep them out of jail.

I’m being cheeky, but sometimes they are just SO MEAN!!! They hurt eachother, fight, scream and yell. They do things on purpose just to make their siblings angry.  The truth is, they are all lovely children. When they are at school, with friends, and in public, they are almost always angels. But as soon as they are at home they let loose.

I honestly get it. I understand that it is exhausting to listen, do your work, be kind, and share all day at school. I totally see that by the time they get home they no longer want to, nor have the ability to control their barbaric tendencies. I also recognize that this is their “safe space”. They know they are loved unconditionally, and they feel secure enough to not filter their actions and words. They know that we will love and forgive them, no matter what their actions.

I’m so glad that we have created such an accepting and forgiving home….but I’m honestly completely exhausted with the entire thing. I feel like everything I say and do is totally pointless. What’s the point of having rules? What’s the point of being firm, but fair? What’s the point of following through with what I say I’m going to do 100% of the time? What’s the point of being consistent?

“They” all say that in doing these things, yes…it will be difficult in the beginning…but it will all pay off. Well, here is my question to “them”: When does it pay off? I’m serious. When will my 7 year old finally GET that her actions have consequences? When will she stop and use her moral compass, and make the decision to just be kind to her brother? She is a very bright girl. When will she make that connection that if she does a specific thing that warrants a certain consequence (which she has been reminded of)…that the consequence will indeed occur. Even if she cries? Even if she is sad and disappointed?

This past week was a challenging one for our big girl. Normally, she is a well-behaved, respectful girl. I genuinely enjoy spending time with her. She is funny, smart, and fun to be around. Not this week. This week she was mean, rude, extremely disrespectful, and entitled. I don’t want or expect her to be perfect, but the entire week felt like it was one conflict after another. I felt like she was testing her limits with each and every word she spoke. It was terrible, shocking, and very upsetting. Oodles of tears fell this week. Mostly mine, after she was in bed. Who was this kid?! Please God, don’t make this the new phase we need to navigate blindly through!!

Finally after lots of consequences that clearly didn’t seem to matter, and many conversations that didn’t seem to be heard….we pulled out the big guns: her birthday party. She was warned days ago that the party that we had been planning was a privilege, and not a right. In that specific conversation she promised she would change her attitude, and she would earn her party. GREAT!

Unfortunately her promise wasn’t kept, and her behaviour didn’t improve. Even though she knew exactly what was on the line, the instant gratification of kicking her brother and then screaming at me when she was confronted was stronger than her desire to have her party. Needless to say, when she was reminded of the fact that she had indeed just made the choice to cancel her own party she was devastated. She became hysterical. It was a very difficult day to end an already terrible week.

To be honest, I am super disappointed. I really wanted to throw that frigging party!! I had another stellar Pinterest folder filled with other people’s creative ideas ready to be copied. We had all of the activities planned, the favours we crafted together now sit in a pile waiting to be distributed to the guests that will never come.  I also feel like an evil witch, and as she called me “the worst mom ever” for taking away something she was looking forward to so much.  Is this an unreasonable consequence? Did I overplay my hand? I have no idea. Similarly to most parenting challenges I honestly have no clue what the right thing to do is! I’ll just stick to my guns, and even though I’m tearing up as I write this, I will NOT back down. This will henceforth be known as the year she didn’t have a party. I only pray that a lesson is learned.

After the tantrum that was filled with screaming, accusations, tears, and snot bubbles (all from her, not me!! I was calm, cool and collected even though on the inside I was trembling and boiling over with emotion)- she spent some time in her room. It was a great opportunity for me to have a little cry myself (because parenting is HARD goddammit!!!), regain my composure and carry on with my previous mundane mom-job of attempting to sew together a costume. After about a half an hour she rejoined the family and although her eyes were puffy and her hair was a disaster, she seemed calm. Calmer than she had been all week.

This catharsis transpired yesterday. After our bedtime snuggles and affirmations, a day filled with Halloween preparations and togetherness, I am relieved to say that there has been no sign of that girl from last week.

I am not naïve. I know we will have many MANY more battles throughout the years, and that this may seem like nothing but a drop in the bucket in comparison to what the teen years (Lord help me) will bring us. I absolutely expect to spend countless nights worrying that I am failing her as a mom, and crying into my pillow asking for someone to just tell me what to do…but I will also know that even though it all seemed completely fruitless at the time, I did my very best to teach her that her actions always have consequences; that she is the only one who can control her actions, and that entitlement will get you nowhere but alone on your birthday.

Laundry: The Neverending Story

I’m sure I’m not alone in my thoughts on this one: Laundry SUCKS!!! Doing the laundry is one of the chores that I have hated more and more with each passing year -or maybe with each added child?

I remember when Harleigh was a baby; how much I enjoyed sitting down while she babbled and cooed next to me, curious eyes watching with intent as I folded the adorable onesies and precious tiny socks. It gave me a feeling of accomplishment and pride to be able to keep the laundry under control. I very rarely let the dirty laundry baskets get full, and like clockwork I would wash the towels and bedsheets every SINGLE week- gasp!

Now….well, I guess you could say that it’s a good thing we have a lot of clothes (see, there’s a purpose to my shopping obsession!!), because those dirty laundry baskets are pretty much full ALL.THE.TIME. It doesn’t seem to matter what time of the day, or what day of the week the baskets have finally been emptied- with six people (4 of which are basically just dirt machines) those baskets are almost always automatically filled with soiled clothing mere seconds after being dumped. I find myself reaching for the sky and screaming “it is futile!!” with each attempt.

I personally find laundry very stressful. Even though I feel like in general I have really “relaxed” in my type A tendencies (I don’t freak out if dishes are left in the sink, and I don’t  go ballistic if some papers are left on the counter). However, overflowing laundry baskets just begging to be washed feel like a metaphor for my life: no matter what I do, I can’t seem to catch up!

I feel like during those 5 minutes once a week when the baskets are empty, and the clothes are put away- I’m supermom! I think proudly to myself that I’ve finally got my sh#* together… and then someone goes and craps their pants, spills their cheerios, or dumps their coffee (not pointing any fingers on that one!)…and I’m back to being disappointed in my abilities as a human again.

I’ve attempted to find a method that works for our family. There are so many great ideas out there, like washing certain colours or items on certain days….Maybe this works for you, so you might want to try it out…but it just doesn’t work for me! It seems like when I try to follow a schedule like the one below (wash towels on Mondays for example), there is an item in the bottom of that basket that we desperately need the day BEFORE it’s due to be washed, and BAM! The whole schedule is thrown off kilter. 

 

So here’s what works for me: I wash the laundry every day- if I miss a day it takes me a few days to catch back up and I will have to 2 or 3 loads daily. You may think this sounds ambitious, but I’m not all that impressive. I said I wash the laundry…but I definitely don’t manage to get it all finished on that day. Most days I go through the multiple loads, and toss the freshly cleaned and dried clothes on the floor in the laundry room- where they sit and turn wrinkly and cold, and I pray for the laundry fairy to visit our house and fold it all…which never seems to happen, so the pile becomes so high that I can barely open the door (thank goodness for doors that hide the mess!!)

This is a typical pile of clean laundry that I will attack:

That’s about 4 loads there. It will take me about 30 minutes to an hour to fold this…depending on who is “helping” me (you know how it is when “help” actually becomes more work!).

I do these big massive folds 2 or 3 times a week… and honestly, this is what it feels like to me:

Once the laundry is finally folded I put each person’s monstrous pile into their designated ThirtyOne bag (If you haven’t heard of these bags, they are amazing. I use them for groceries, and travel, and as you can see- laundry. I always get compliments and questions about them, so I’ll share that info: I buy mine HERE), and the bag conveniently gets carried into their room, where they “help” put the stuff away. Harleigh is very capable- she puts all of her stuff away. Miles is somewhat motivated to help, but loses interest quickly. Maisie throws all of her folded stuff into the dirty laundry basket, which makes me want to rip out my own hair… so I do hers 😉

Since the kids are getting older, I like them to help out as much as possible. Maisie loves helping me push the buttons on the washer and dryer, and they all do their part when it comes time for the “folding party”. Another great job for the little ones is trying to find matching socks.

Socks are such a weird phenomenon! You hear people saying their dryer eats socks… it’s not always untrue! A few months ago our washing machine stopped working (overuse I’m sure), and Ian took it apart to fix it and actually found like 13 socks (and a bunch of other treasures) hidden in the guts of our machine. I digress. Socks tend to be a challenge…very rarely do we not end up with random lonely socks…here is our current pile of socks looking for their match:

Things have changed in our world of laundry, not only in sheer quantity, but also in the supplies we use. Before Maisie was born I was the type of person who loved the fresh scent of newly laundered clothing and sheets. I would use scented soap and fabric softener..and when I took it out of the dryer I would take a big whiff and LOVE how clean it smelled.

Maisie had super sensitive skin though, and we switched over to the hypoallergenic, scent-free, dye-free soap to help her poor skin not be one huge blotch of eczema. While the benefits of using natural soap are plentiful for both ourselves, and the planet (read more about the safety of the soap you’re using HERE)- it is expensive!!!

We have started making our own laundry soap…which sounds a bit Little House on the Prairie, but it’s saving us so much money and I feel better knowing it’s safe for the whole family, and gentle on our sensitive skin. Here is the recipe we use: 

Making the laundry detergent takes like 5 minutes, and all the kids love helping out with that process. You can buy most of the ingredients at Loblaws, besides for the essential oils, which I buy from Young Living (click HERE to check those out).

One final tip before I finish: Check out the laundromat! The idea seemed so foreign to me, but every summer our family spends a week on the beach and we come home with literally 20+ loads of laundry (think damp towels and sand filled bathingsuits, along with the usual nasty underwear and sheets). It’s honestly so overwhelming that the thought of it makes my heart beat faster even now. This year I decided that instead of letting the pile just be added to our ongoing laundry needs I would venture out of my comfort zone and bring it to the laundromat.

Spolier alert: IT WAS AWESOME!!!

 

 

I brought all 20 loads to the laundromat, hogged all of the good machines, put in my detergent, dropped in my coins….and sat. In silence. No kids crying or whining. No other chores to complete…Just me, the thump and hums of the machines doing their things, and silence. It was amazing. I got all of the laundry done in less than 2 hours, which was astounding…but the real gift was the forced solitude. Time for me to just sit and do NOTHING. I people watched (although truth be told it was a Saturday night, and there aren’t many other people lame enough to hit up the laundromat at that time), I read a book, I sat and relished in the quiet.

There is also something called fluff and fold, which I swear I will make a part of my life someday. This is how it works: you bring your dirty laundry to the laundromat, leave it with the angels that work there, and a few days later you go back and pick it up: completely cleaned, folded and ready to go. Doesn’t that sound PERFECT?! Honestly, when I go back to work this is something that WILL make it onto our list of necessary expenses.

Until that time I’ll carry on…and keep hoping that someday soon SOMEONE will invent a machine that washes, dries, folds and puts the laundry away. I figure if we have cars that can basically park themselves this can’t be too far in our future, right? A girl can dream!

 

Number Two by Number Four

I’ve been MIA for longer than I had planned. The summer was very busy, and having everyone home made it challenging to find the time to sit down and write. I’ve had so many ideas, but always found something else that was a higher priority than blogging.

UNTIL TODAY. This morning something so remarkable happened that I HAD to make time to type it out.

Have I got your attention?? I’m sure you’re all on the edge of your seats, the suspense building to the point where it’s unbearable!

It started as a typical day- lots of yelling, loud footsteps running around on the hardwood, spilling of cereal, and chaos in general. It wasn’t until Miles noticed a funky smell in the air that the morning took a turn for the worse. “Mommy, something smells terrible!”…and then Maisie’s sniffer caught wind of it: “Mommy, it smells disgusting in here! Somebody pooped!”

This is not unusual. As the famous book states: Everyone poops!! It seems like people in our house poop more than the typical person because not a day goes by that I don’t hear the words “Mommy! Come see this poo!” coming from the bathroom. But this was a different kind of poopy smell. This smelled what fear would smell like if fear had a smell (maybe this is what people mean when they say “dogs can smell fear”…and if so, those poor pups!!)

Back to our morning…I knew right away that it was our master pooper, Sully. He is known city-wide for his buttmudd. As soon as I picked him up to begin the process of cleaning him up I realized this was not a normal everyday turd.

I laid him down to get to work…and before I could catch myself a phrase that we frown upon in our house (OH MY GOD) escaped my lips a number of times. I think it was shock, or disgust, or perhaps concern. Looks of surprise came from the other 3 kids (mommy said a bad word!!!)…but I honestly couldn’t control my reaction. I had never seen anything like it.

Sullivan, being our 4^th baby means we are no strangers to changing dirty diapers. For kicks, a few months ago I completed one of those online calculators  that tells you how many hours of sleep you have lost and how many diapers you have changed since you became parents…according to their formula we have changed somewhere around 23,760 diapers. We have had our fair share of poopsplosions, but this was like nothing I had witnessed before. There was literally poop from the bottoms of his feet to his ears. HE WAS COVERED.

Here’s a bit of information people may not know, and instead of making this entire post a disgusting retell of my morning, I thought I would attempt to share some wisdom. I actually didn’t know this until we had Maisie, but did you know that many onesies (diaper shirts as some people refer to them as) have an emergency exit path? Yes, if you look closely you will see that at the neck area there are spots that make the hole a bit bigger than it needs to be….that is so that in cases such as these, you can pull the shirt DOWN over the baby’s body, instead of UP over their head. That way, if the shirt is covered in crap, you don’t get it on their face/in their hair…you get the point!

Emergency Exit Route

 

Well, unfortunately for me, the shirt he was wearing this morning did NOT have that alternate exit, so I made my own. I called for help from my surgical assistants… “grab me the scissors. STAT!!” This wasn’t a job for the crappy dull children’s scissors though, I needed the big guns: the sharp, cut through beer can scissors. Once they were in my hand I proceeded to do the only logical thing: I cut that poopy shirt right off my even poopier baby. And let’s just say that everything he was wearing got a one way ticket to the garbage bag (thank GOODNESS tomorrow is garbage day!!)

It took a good 45 minutes to clean up the trail Sully had created through the house, not a square inch of the floor remained “unsullied” …but the kids thought it was hilarious. Each one of them had a bottle of Thieves cleaner and they were excited every time they found a new “treasure” to tackle.

To say that our typical mornings run smoothly is an overstatement, but this morning was even more of a gong show than usual. Thank goodness the big kids can actually pull it together when they REALLY want to, and we were able to get everyone to school on time. Even with the biggest, brownest commotion of all time!

And that, ladies and gentlemen brings us to the end of this filthy tale. If you’ve stayed with me all the way through the disgusting details, I thank you. I promise my next posts won’t be quite as nasty (actually, I suppose I can’t promise that, but I do swear to do my best!!)

 

Our Experience with Glama Gals Tween Spa

Today I had the pleasure of accompanying Harleigh to a special birthday surprise for one of her besties. We traveled over an hour to the secret location, but it was totally worth it. Keira (the birthday girl) and Harleigh were welcomed by the cheery and lovely hosts at Glama Gals Tween Spa in Ajax,  being handed delicious “Unicorn Magic” drinks (no, not THOSE unicorn drinks…these ones were simply strawberry milk with whipped cream) to sip while their spa experience was being prepared.

The spa is super impressive with hot pink, black and white décor, chandeliers, feather boas, and glitter galore! Positive messages of being confident, strong, unique, beautiful just the way you are, and staying true to yourself are printed on walls, chalkboards, signs and mirrors all throughout the building. The main floor has a cute little area where manis and pedis can be done, a dining area with a fancy table (as we were leaving there was a birthday party just beginning and the guests were all enjoying waffles and mocktails), and a little shopping area where kids can purchase take-home versions of the products they use in their store (bath bombs, facials, nailpolish, etc.), and other fun items.

 

While the entrance made an impression, we were all blown away once we were dressed in matching robes and lead down the stairs into the stunning basement area. Huge mirrors and gorgeous furniture were beautifully placed throughout the space, while fun music made it impossible not to sing and dance.

Our experience was called the “You-nicorns and Rainbows” special, so of course the girls got rainbow hair and ontop of the colours of their choice, they also got a rainbow nailpolish that required a tiny brush and a steady hand. Harleigh and Keira were thrilled when they were asked if they would like some special makeup applied- light pink glittery eye shadow and pink lipgloss. Shockingly they jumped at the opportunity to glam themselves up!

The girls got to make their own glittery magic lotion potion, which required lots of sparkly ingredients and jumping and shaking around to properly mix the recipe. They had the option to choose from many different scents, but they both chose cotton candy with extra glitter. If you have been paying attention, you will notice that there was LOTS of glitter. The aestheticians admitted that their cars, beds, and homes are filled with remnants of the shimmery magic that travels with them when they leave their place of employment.

The entire morning was such a spectacular event. It’s not cheap, but the awe and joy that sparkled on the faces of those two (not-so-little) little girls made it worth the cost.  It honestly brought tears to my eyes a number of times to see them whispering, giggling and making memories together in such a magical place. Once we returned to reality, Harleigh was happy to share the happenings of the day with her siblings (who were less than thrilled that they did were not involved in this special day), and hearing her retell the events made me intrigued to find out more about Glama Gals.

The spa has lots of different options depending on your budget and desires. There is a cute “dolly and me” option which includes matching up-do for the spa-goer and their doll which I think would be a huge hit,  and a “slimy spa” option for those that aren’t so keen on all things glittery and pink. There are special events and themes throughout the year, with a “mommy and me” mother’s day package which would be a sweet bonding opportunity for aunts and grandmothers as well as moms!

There is even an option to have the spa experience in the comfort of your own home, where they bring all of the products and décor required to turn your house into a pampering oasis. This is actually how Glama Gals began years ago when the creators decided to create a mobile at-home spa service for birthday parties. The two sisters had no idea how overwhelmingly popular their idea would become, and now have 9 locations all over Ontario. I personally would love to see such an enchanting spot in our area!

I love the fact that they do workshops and camps focusing on self-esteem and confidence, healthy relationships, anti-bullying, and empowering youth to create a positive change in the world. These are all awesome messages that would be valuable to instill in our daughters and sons alike!

Our experience at Glama Gals Tween Spa was incredible, and I would recommend it to anyone looking for a special treat.

 

Some Things really TICK me Off (A Non-Toxic DIY Bug-Repellent Recipe for Ticks, Mosquitoes, and Flies )

I have an irrational fear of ticks. Now that Lyme disease has become a more common threat, I honestly think about it all the time. Our kids are lovers of the outdoors. As soon as the weather is nice enough not to need 38 layers of clothing they are outside all the time.

We live in town, so our backyard isn’t huge, but it’s a decent size for “city living” (haha), and we live right beside the Trans Canada trail, which goes through forest areas- perfect for exploring. We are also lucky enough to live within walking distance of my parents’ house, which has a huge backyard backing onto a farmer’s field.  We go on lots of adventures year-round in these exciting magical places, but in the spring and summer the kids are especially excited to go investigating.

Here they are safely covered in their 38 layers 😉

 

Ticks can be commonly  found in grassy fields, gardens, beaches, parks, and the woods. So basically everywhere we play. Every year from about May until September I become obsessed with searching for the infamous “bull’s-eye” tick-bite mark on the bodies of our children. Bath time is no longer just for splashing and getting clean…mommy needs to do a thorough examination. I’m sure it’s over the top, but we have many friends whose children have been bitten, and when they go to the doctor/ hospital it is never taken lightly!

This is a great website for anyone who is interested in having nightmares …I mean learning more about ticks and lyme disease. Here, you will learn that not all ticks are dangerous (even though they are terrifying to look at!), infact of the 40 different species, only a handful can transmit Lyme disease. You will also learn how to properly remove the tick, and what to do if you suspect that you are infected.

Since I’m a bit preoccupied with staying safe from ticks, it makes sense that I’d want to find a repellent that is effective at keeping them away from the kids. Unfortunately, bug spray you buy in most stores is jam packed with not-so-great ingredients, that while may be effective at keeping the bugs away, they are also unsafe for kids.

Most store-bought sprays contain N,N-diethyl-meta-toluamide , also known as DEET. DEET has been shown to have a negative impact on wildlife and water sources, and is toxic to birds and aquatic life. It has also been found that DEET causes brain cell death and behavioural changes in rats. While my children aren’t actually rats, I’d rather not soak them in these ingredients daily.

Now that our family is becoming more educated on the negative impact of unnecessary toxins and dangerous ingredients in many commonly used items, I have been doing lots of DIY recipes to replace our previously used items with more natural, healthier alternatives.

Last night I hosted a “make and take” event with a few friends, where we made our own non-toxic, child and pet-friendly bug spray. There is lots of research stating that Essential Oils can be an effective way to repel not only ticks, but mosquitos, fleas, flies, and ants. There are many different combinations to choose from, but this is the recipe we made because it’s safe for children and animals.

Non-Toxic Bug Spray

Ingredients:

• 4 oz. glass spray bottle
•  2oz. witch hazel
•  2oz. distilled water
•  1/2 tsp vegetable glycerin
•  Essential oils (I use Young Living)
  • Purification (10 drops)
  • Palo Santo (7 drops)
  • Geranium (7 drops)
  • Citronella (7 drops)
  • Melaleuca (tea tree) (5 drops)
  • Lavender (5 drops)
  • Lemongrass (5 drops)** Only use the Lemongrass on children 2+years

Steps:

1. Drop your Essential Oils into the empty glass bottle.
2. Swirl the oils gently to create a synergy.
3. Add the vegetable glycerin, witch hazel and distilled water.
4. Take a whiff, it smells a lot more enjoyable than your typical DEET containing repellant, doesn’t it!?
5. Put the spray nozzle on the bottle. You’re done!

 

 

Morning Routines

I have been meaning to do an update on our mornings for awhile, but I keep forgetting. This morning before I got out of bed I looked at my plan for today and remembered that lastnight before going to sleep I had put “write blog about mornings” into the schedule for the day. What perfect timing, because today was a doozy!

I want to begin by saying that our general routine for the morning has gotten a lot better since the last time I wrote about it. A few months ago things were completely chaotic, and I had lots of anxiety about how stressful and unmanageable it was. I felt like I was yelling ALL.THE.TIME. Every morning was the same…I would get frustrated because the kids weren’t doing the things they needed to do to get ready (even though expectations were the exact same every single day), I would gently remind them, until eventually my “gentle” became pretty ferocious. Many mornings would end with at least one of them in tears, and a few times I was right there with them: flopping down in the driver’s seat after everyone was finally buckled in and just feeling like I needed to cry.

One morning as I was yelling at them to “JUST PUT YOUR SNOWPANTS ON!!!!! WE ARE GOING TO BE LATE!!!!” – Miles (my sensitive boy), with tears in his eyes said “Stop yelling at me mommy! I don’t like it when you yell, it hurts my feelings!” His sensitivity can be a bit frustrating at times as everything big and small seems to affect him in a major way, but he has an amazing ability to tell us exactly how he is feeling, and why he is feeling that way. It’s truly a gift in a world where people generally just go about their days miscommunicating and keeping their feelings to themselves.  His outburst of honesty was like a slap in the face and I realized how toxic our mornings were, and I decided that I needed to do SOMETHING to make it better. ASAP.

I had been struggling with what to do. I didn’t want to use a reward system because I worried that if I did do something like that once I removed the reward they would no longer be interested in completing the task. I was desperate to have them become independent with their morning routines mostly because …well, let’s be honest, we have 4 kids now, and since Ian is out the door long before we get ready I can’t be chasing them all around barking orders. It may be unfair (they didn’t ask for 3 siblings), but I need them to be more self-sufficient because I just can’t do it all by myself. I truly think that in the long run they will be better because of their forced independence/added responsibilities, but it can be a bit of a challenge in the meantime!

I finally decided to go with something that I thought might work because even though they weren’t being rewarded extrinsically with stickers or prizes, the action of flipping the “done” flap over is kind of like me checking an item off of my “to do list”, and I find that super rewarding! Here is what we did:

I had planned to make one for Maisie as well, but she crumpled up her name and I figured that was a sign that she wasn’t quite ready for something like this. I also thought that she pretty much does whatever the big kids do anyways, so if I could just get THEM to do what they needed to do, she would follow along (I was right).

We sat down after school on that horrible day and had a “family meeting”. We talked about how our mornings were going, and I asked them if they liked mornings, and if they thought things were going well. I told them that I really didn’t like yelling at them, and I didn’t want to feel frustrated anymore. They agreed. Together, we made lists of the things they needed to do in the morning (and also in the afternoon). We then went around the house and acted out doing those jobs so I could take a picture. It was kind of fun, they enjoyed it…and I was excited about the change that I was hoping would come with our new tool.

Thankfully, the next day was Saturday and I had time to create. It took a long time, but I am 100% satisfied with the outcome, and it was totally worth the effort! Each kid has their own “jobs”, and once they are finished each job, they flip the flap over to show the “done” sign.  I hadn’t planned on doing an afternoon section, but I thought it might be helpful with the little things like putting their stuff where it belongs, and having the initiative to do their homework. It has been a few months now, and they are still motivated by this tool. They love that their pictures are in it, and they love “beating” the other person in having all of their jobs done.

In my intro I mentioned that today was an exciting morning. This morning when it was time to head out the door, not only did the two little ones poop at the exact same time,  requiring a double diaper change..Sully also puked all over my last pair of clean “wear in public appropriate” pants, and this is what we saw when it was time to put on boots:

Those are Harleigh’s rainboots. Inside? That’s murky water left in the boots from YESTERDAY, when they were splashing in the giant puddles of rainwater, mud and sand. WHY?! WHY?!?! WHY!?!?!?!??! Luckily, I don’t trust that Spring is actually here to stay quite yet, so her winter boots weren’t packed away. In the grand scheme of things, this isn’t a huge deal, it just added to our morning and I thought it was worth mentioning. It will be interesting to see if the smell will ever come out, but I did think the fact that all of that water stayed inside the boot without leaking meant the boots were good quality, leak-proof rainboots (silver linings!)

The greatest part of all was that even with these bumps in our morning we still managed to do it with no yelling and no tears. We all just went about our day, independently doing our jobs, and getting into the van happily- where we all get to sing our hearts out to the Trolls soundtrack (which is another part of our morning routine). I didn’t even have to cheer anyone up! Total mom-win in my books!

 

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How to make routine charts:

Materials required:

• bristol board
• printer
• packing tape (or laminator) 
• sticky velcro tabs
• camera (not totally necessary)

Steps:

1. Choose your tasks as a family.
2. Take pictures of the kids doing their jobs (not totally necessary, but my kids loved this part).
3. Print off thumbnails of those pictures.
4. Type up short titles for each job (example: brush teeth).
5. Type “done” the same amount of times as jobs you will have on your chart.
6. Cut out printed off titles and pictures.
7. Cut slits in coloured bristol board (making enough flaps for each task).
8. Glue on job titles/pictures and “done”
9. Cover the entire thing ( you could laminate it, but I am cheap, so I just used packing tape). I thought this was important because I spent a lot of time making them, and I didn’t want them to get wrecked/ripped.
10. Use sticky velcro tabs on the inside of the flaps to keep them closed.
11. Hang the charts in a central location (ours are on the dishwasher).

 

 

Overnight Blueberry French Toast

When I originally began my blogging journey I promised that I would share some of my favourite recipes. Sorry to those of you who have been on the edge of your seats waiting… After months of posting about family drama and personal obstacles this weekend I finally cooked for my poor starving family and thought it would be a good recipe to share.

Overnight blueberry french toast is the most delicious “breakfast” food I have ever eaten. I use the word breakfast loosely, as it really does taste like dessert. Everyone in our family loves it, and we easily devour the entire meal, with most of us going back for seconds and thirds.

This has been my go-to recipe for Christmas and Easter for the past few years. It’s easy to make, with most of the work being done the night before. I love that all I have to do in the morning is pop it in the oven, which makes it perfect for mornings that are filled with other fun activities (like opening Christmas presents and hunting for Easter eggs).

If anyone is looking for something new to add to the Easter morning feast, please give this dish a try, you won’t regret it!

Overnight Blueberry French Toast (original recipe found here )

Ingredients

Dish

• 12 slices Texas Toast or baguette, cut into 1 inch cubes
• 1 package of cream cheese (8 oz)  cut into 1 inch cubes
• 1 cup blueberries ( I use the frozen kind, thawed)
• 2 cups milk
• 12 eggs, beaten
• 1 tsp vanilla extract
• 1/3 cup maple syrup

Sauce

• 1 cup white sugar
• 2 Tbsp. cornstarch
• 1 cup blueberries
• 1 Tbsp. salted butter
• 1 cup water

Directions

Night before

1. Grease a 9×13 inch pan.
2. Place half of your bread cubes on the bottom of the pan.
3. Add the cream cheese (it should be noted here that the original recipe calls for TWO packages of cream cheese. Over the years my family has made it clear to me that this is too much cream cheese for them. Our version uses just one package- according to the critics this is the PERFECT amount).
4. Pour 1 cup of blueberries over top of the bread and cream cheese.
5. Put the rest of the bread on top.
6. In a bowl mix together milk, eggs, syrup and vanilla.
7. Pour the egg mixture evenly on top of the layered bread/blueberry/cream cheese- make sure it’s all nicely covered.
8. Cover the dish and refrigerate overnight.

Morning

1. Preheat oven to 350
2. Remove the dish from the refrigerator while the oven preheats
3. Bake (covered in tinfoil) for 30 minutes.
4. Remove cover and bake for an additional 25-30 minutes (until center is firm)

*During the final 10 minutes of baking time start making the blueberry sauce

5. In a medium saucepan bring the water, sugar and cornstarch to a boil
6. Cook for 3- 5 minutes, stirring constantly.
7. Add the remaining 1 cup of blueberries.
8. Turn heat down and simmer for 10 minutes.
9. Stir in the butter.
10. Serve over the baked French toast.

We put the sauce in a dish and leave it on the table so people can put however much they want on their plate.  We also put whipped cream on top…because…well, whipped cream makes everything better!

Bon appétit!

Mirror Mirror on the Wall

I have struggled with my weight and body image my entire life. When I was in highschool I thought I was the hugest person alive. I was very active- I figure skated, played rugby, soccer, baseball, basketball, volleyball, and tennis- but I was disgusted with my body. I felt like no matter what I did I was never good enough. My controlling and obsessive nature, and dissatisfaction with my body, combined with some life events created the perfect combination for an eating disorder. I felt like I was losing control of my surroundings, but the one thing I COULD control was what went in and out of my body. I found it disgustingly satisfying to pretend to eat healthy, but actually starve myself daily, and stuff my face with huge binges every once in a while, followed by a purge.

I don’t know if many people knew I was bulimic…it took a long time before I confessed it to anyone and to this day have only spoken about it out loud to 3 people. The day I spoke the dirty truth to my then boyfriend I realized that my façade of control was actually me being more out of control than I could ever imagine. I knew I needed help. I needed to tell SOMEONE what I had been doing, because if I said it out loud I would have to stop.

It was SO HARD to stop binging and purging. After years of feeling like I had control (which obviously I didn’t), I felt like I had to completely let go of my preoccupation with weight, and recreate a new relationship with food. I just allowed myself to eat…and not worry about anything. Of course after starving my body for so long, it grabbed hold of everything I gave it, and I ballooned to obesity. It sucked, but I felt like even though it was unhealthy for me to be so overweight, it was better than throwing up daily.

After about a year of trying to get through each day one at a time without binging and purging, I decided that I could try and take my health back into my own hands and diet in a way that would hopefully bring me back to a healthy weight safely.  I joined Weight Watchers and tried to retrain my body and teach myself how to eat to be healthy. It’s like the part of my brain that was supposed to tell me that I was hungry or full was broken and I needed to fix it. 

I’ve struggled because I felt like it didn’t matter HOW HARD I would try, I would never be the size I wanted to be. I would get frustrated because I would see how other people would eat, and I would know that I was being SO CAREFUL with my diet and exercise…yet I was still the overweight one. It didn’t seem fair to me. Even though I wasn’t doing unhealthy things to my body, I felt like my mind was toxic. I couldn’t stop wanting to be like other people. I wanted their bodies. I hated my own. These days I try really hard to focus on not comparing myself to other people, and concentrate more on being the best version of myself that I can be.

Since then I have basically tried to be healthy and fit, without letting myself slip over to the “other side”. Being pregnant and gaining 50-60 pounds with each pregnancy has been extremely hard for me. Even while not pregnant eating the appropriate  amount of food is something I struggle with. I find it challenging to just be ” normal” and have balance: not obsessing about it, but making healthy choices. I don’t like having chips, cookies or Nutella in the house because it’s still hard for me to stop at just one bite. I find  using My Fitness Pal a helpful tool to keep my eating in check.  If something really stressful happens, or I just feel out of control I get the urge again. I make a point of talking to Ian about what I’m thinking/feeling because I’m so afraid of starting up again. I think it’s like being an alcoholic. No matter how long it goes without having a binge/purge event, it only takes one time to start the vicious cycle up again.

Now that I’m a mom I want more than ever to just be BETTER. I want to be a healthy positive role model to them. It’s actually very therapeutic to try and have the outlook towards yourself that you want your children to have. A good lesson in self-love. I am constantly telling them how great they are, but I’m also trying to show that I’m pretty great too. Yes I still want to be smaller. Yes, it’s still frustrating to me that I’m as big as I am when I exercise and eat as well as I do….but I never EVER show them that side of myself. I have never used the words “diet”, “fat” or “skinny” in front of them.

In our home we talk about exercising to be strong and healthy. We talk about food as a way to feed our minds and bodies so that we can learn more and have the energy and strength to do the activities we want to. We talk about how everybody is different and beautiful, and if everyone looked the same the world would be a very boring place.

I am hyper aware of the example I am setting to the kids. The way I talk about my body now is how I want them to think about themselves. It’s a vessel, and it’s perfect in its own way. When they ask about my stretch marks and flabby tummy I don’t make a big deal about it (even though I cry a little on the inside). I explain to them that my body has been all different sizes, and growing babies inside your tummy is a magical and wonderful thing that transforms your body- even after the baby is on the outside.

Last week Harleigh said the dreaded words “I’m fat” and I panicked. It was relatively innocent, as she was talking about the fact that her dress was bunched up inside her snowpants making it bulky, but I found the whole thing so upsetting. I worry so much that my kids will grow up having the same preoccupations their mommy had.

I have no idea where those ugly words even came from, but I guess no matter how much we try to protect and build up our children we can’t control what they see and hear when they aren’t with us. I’ll just hope that as parents we have done a good enough job teaching them about the importance of healthy bodies, and helped them build strong self-esteem and positive body images. I hope that when they look in the mirror they see themselves the way I see them: beautiful.

Pitching a Tent

This week is one of the weeks I look forward to all year long. As a teacher, the break from work is always something glorious. As a mama, the idea of not having to  worry about being on time for an entire week is AMAZING. Having Ian home for the week is the cherry ontop of the March Break sundae.

Many of our friends have been lucky enough to spend this time elsewhere. In lands far away from here, where the sun is hot, the drinks are cold, and the beach is relaxing. Someday we will be able to live that dream, but until that day we will make the most of our time at home, in the never-ending winter.

Last night we (read: I) had the brainwave to have a camping trip in the basement. We set up the tent, and the excitement built from that moment on. Harleigh decided that we should do “stations” to celebrate our family night’o fun. She thought the first station should be “makeup”. That should have been the first clue that the evening wouldn’t go smoothly.

Being the fun mom (ie: sucker) that I am, I went along with the idea. I got the “play makeup” out from lock and key (you’ll see why this stuff needs to be protected in a moment), and let them create. Oh boy, their faces (and arms, and hands, and stomachs) were blank slates but for mere seconds before they all became works of art.

 

This occupied and entertained them for a good half an hour. They had a blast, and honestly thought they looked great. This obviously leads me to believe one thing: I need to set a better example with my makeup. The mess was atrocious. The glitter and lipstick were SO HARD to get off their faces. We used baby oil to “gently” scrub it off, but there was no “gentle” about it. Eventually they were somewhat clean, and our night continued.

Station #2 was Maisie’s choice. She chose dance party, which is a fan favourite in this house. Strobe lights and speakers were setup, and we got down to business. Even sully enjoyed this event. We set him up in his jumperoo and he was bouncing around to the music with the rest of us. The kids are all pretty smooth on the dance floor (they get that from their daddy), and loved showing off their own personal moves. It was a lot of fun, and very minimal mess to clean up which made it my personal front-runner.

 

After warming up the basement with our sweaty bodies, we cooled things down with station #3: board games. The kids love playing games, and sometimes they can even agree on which game to play together, which makes things much more enjoyable. Truthfully, they are usually great: usually following rules, taking turns, and having fun. Lastnight we played dominos and  The Cat in the Hat’s I can do That, which is a game that everyone can play involving a “trick-a-ma-stick”, mom’s dress, a fish in a bowl and more. I really like this game because it’s a fun and active game, involving (but not requiring) reading and boosting confidence when the kids shout out “I can do that!” everytime they are given a silly challenge.

The final station of the night was the big one: movie night. We pigged out on snacks and snuggled on the couch. It was a tight fit with all six of us, but the other couch was buried by the tent, so we made it work. Choosing the movie is always exciting. Ian and I try to encourage a movie that  A) we want to see,  B) will entertain all three kids, and C) not give them nightmares. Things didn’t go our way last night. They chose Scooby-Doo, which was almost the most painful part of the evening. If you have seen the animated movies, you’ll agree that they aren’t completely terrible, but watching Freddie-Prinze Jr.and Matthew Lillard on the not-so-big screen is something I’d rather not do again anytime soon. Luckily, the snacks were good!

Finally, the event we had all been waiting for had arrived. It was time to “go to sleep in the tent”. I’d like to preface this by saying that I have “slept” in a tent with the kids before, so I was not under any illusion that this would go smoothly. The fact that it was just me, with the three biggest littles as Ian had Sullivan upstairs definitely didn’t make me any less doubtful that the night would involve actual sleeping in the tent.

Everyone was very enthusiastic about camping, and all three of them were very vocal with their excitement to “sleep” in the tent. Maisie especially, kept repeating herself over and over again “we are sleeping in the tent! we are sleeping in the basement!”. I didn’t have the heart to explain to her that we weren’t actually sleeping, and that falling asleep was highly unlikely with her jumping around the tent singing her sleeping in the tent song.

I expected it to be a late night, and I knew it had the potential to be disastrous, but I was hopeful that at least one- maybe even two- kids would actually spend the night in the tent. We did our best to encourage sleeping. The tent itself is ginormous, allowing each child their own personal little area. They each had piles of pillows, loads of warm blankets, and plenty of space to be comfortable. The diffuser was radiating a soft sleepy glow, exuding “peace and calming” essential oil- which usually helps them unwind and calm down- but lastnight it was futile.

They each had to change locations in the tent at least 3 times : “I want to be beside Miles”, “I need to snuggle with Mommy”, “I can’t sleep so close to the edge of the tent”. You get the gist of it. Of course they all had to empty their bladders multiple times, and also needed to refill their waters with “fresh water” because we all know we can’t have stale water in our bedtime bottle (it was at that point that I was really wishing I had something FRESH in my bottle as well, as I wasn’t sure I was going to make it through the night without the liquid courage).

After about an hour and a half of attempting to settle down and fall asleep it occurred to me that I was fighting a losing battle. I decided to stop trying to get them to fall asleep, and I joined in the madness. We sang songs, and told stories, and finally Maisie surrendered, got up and walked up the stairs to her own quiet, comfortable room. Although she was still getting much less sleep than a typical night, she ended up relatively rested. She is obviously the most responsible person in our family.

It wasn’t long after this point that I started to realize just how late it was. It was after 10:00PM. For many families staying up late isn’t a big deal. We are not those families. Our kids are asleep by 7:30 almost every single night of the year. Even on Christmas Eve we try to have them in bed not long after that time. I don’t know how  other people can handle the repercussions of a late night! To us, the cranky, over-tired, disagreeable, whiny wild animals that replace our (for the most part) lovely children really make it a no-brainer. They need their sleep!

 

Miles is especially dependent on a good night’s sleep. He is quite unbearable when he is tired. It didn’t take much more time to pass for him to self-destruct. Lots of tears flowed from his eyes, landing directly on the pillow in his bed- which is where he ended up spending the rest of his night. I went so far as to tricking him into sleeping in later than usual by changing his Gro-clock , which he relies upon to tell him when he is allowed to get out of bed in the morning.

In the end, the only original member of team tent to remain was Harleigh. She defied all odds and slept the entire night with her newly acquired sleep over buddy: Ian. I opted to take over the Sully feedings scattered throughout the night, but in doing so got to enjoy the choppy sleep from the comfort of my own bed.

Maybe you’re wondering how today has gone. Perhaps you’re curious if there were meltdowns and tears, fights and unkind words…well, let’s just say  that although camping in the basement, and all that it entails created many wonderful memories….today has reminded us why we have early bedtime in our home. Needless to say, everyone was asleep by 7:00 tonight.

 

My Boobs are in the Right Hands

Tomorrow I will make the trip to Toronto. Don’t get too excited for me, I’m not shopping, or seeing a show, or going to a concert. Nothing nearly as fun. I’m going to the big city to get my boobs squeezed. You’re right, that does sound fun! Except it isn’t. I’m going for my annual mammogram. If you’ve ever had one you can agree with me when I say it’s not the most entertaining way to spend a Tuesday.

I am very fortunate to be followed by an extremely knowledgeable doctor at Women’s College Hospital. Sure, I could get a mammogram done in Peterborough, and save myself lots of time and stress, but I feel much more comfortable knowing that my boobs and my life are in the hands of the doctors at the Henrietta Banting Breast Center at WCH. Their state of the art equipment and highly skilled team of health care providers make it worth the drive for me.

You may be wondering why I am followed so closely , and get to have my boobs examined by professionals twice a year ( I go once for the mammogram, and once for a physical exam). Believe it or not, it’s not simply because my tatas are phenomenal! I fall under the “high risk” category, which basically means I have a higher risk of developing Breast Cancer than the typical person.

It is estimated that over 25,000 people in Canada alone will be diagnosed  with breast cancer this year. That’s a lot of people! When I first brought up my concern about breast cancer with my family doctor years ago, she was totally onboard with me having a more specialized team take a look at my situation, and that is when I started being seen at WCH. My first meeting there involved lots of questions and answers, family history, and of course my actual boobs got a little action that day as well.

What is it about me that makes me high risk? My family history. When people think of breast cancer they generally think of women. However, hundreds of men are affected by it each year, and my grandfather was one of them. After doing lots of research we came to find out that there were also a number of women in our family who had the disease.

Most relevant to me, my own mom conquered breast cancer. I still remember the day I found out about her illness. It was over ten years ago and I was teaching English in Korea. The year had been full of adventure, but I was very homesick and missed my family and friends terribly.  The distance was tricky, and the time change also added an extra element in staying connected. One day I made a not-so-uncommon phonecall to my mom’s workplace during her lunch break. I can’t remember what I was calling to talk about, probably something like “send me more peanut butter”, or “I bought another knock off Louis Vuitton”. When I asked the student who answered the phone to speak to my mom she replied nonchalantly with “oh, sorry. She has breast cancer and is having surgery today”. Cue panic. GULP. Ummmm I’m sorry, PARDON?? I didn’t bother saying another word, and hung up immediately. I tried calling my grandparents, who were also unreachable because hello: THEIR DAUGHTER HAD CANCER, AND WAS HAVING SURGERY.

Eventually I was filled in on the news: It was indeed true, my mother did infact have breast cancer, and did also have surgery to remove her breast followed by chemo and the whole nine yards. Now let me take this time to fill you all in on a little secret: Finding out that your mother has cancer when you are living on the other side of the world is upsetting. Finding out that your mother has cancer from some random 6th grader on the phone an hour before you are headed to your own job SUCKS. I understand now that her heart was in the right place: She didn’t want to worry and stress out her daughter who was thousands of miles from home. I get that. As parents we want nothing more than to protect our children. Even from the truth.

Luckily, my mom learned a valuable lesson: no matter how scary and horrible the news is, never keep it a secret from your daughter. Luckily for the rest of us that same woman is a warrior and wasn’t about to let cancer be the end of her. She has actually crushed cancer twice in twenty years, so she’s very stubborn like that.

Fast forward many years and it’s now my turn to be monitored closely. I’m very fortunate to be followed so diligently, as early detection is extremely important and a huge factor in survival rates. However, it’s always an emotional and stressful time for me. It doesn’t make things better that mammograms themselves are scheduled within a week of the beginning of your cycle, so the week or so leading up to my appointment is consistently filled with extra hormone-driven anxiety.

I pray that tomorrow will be nothing more than an uneventful meeting, with the most stressful part of the day being the drive there and back. If I have the terrible misfortune of having a more eventful day, I know that my boobs are in the right hands. I trust that they will do whatever it takes to make me another success story.

In the meantime, here are a few helpful diagrams to help you stay breast-savvy. My doctor tells me to do self exams every month (use your cycle as a guide to remind you). Early detection is key!!